The Hub

News, Notes, Talk

Win an organic farm in upstate New York by… writing an essay?

Corinne Segal

May 15, 2019, 3:17pm

Calling the highly specific group of writers who have $150 to burn and would like to care for an organic farm in upstate New York: there’s a contest just for you!

Here are some things about it:

–It’s the most consequential five-paragraph essay contest you’ve entered since you were in fifth grade and everything had to have an intro and conclusion. (Entries should address “what owning a five-acre farm property would mean to me, us and/or my family,” and “shall consist of a five paragraph format: introduction paragraph, three-paragraph body, and a summary paragraph.”)

–It costs $150 per entry, but you can enter multiple times, presumably as different characters with entirely different reasons for wanting to own a Victorian-era home and five-acre farm.

Article continues after advertisement

–It’s unclear who the judges are, but we are assured that they are not the owners and “are impartial, independent and objective to the goals of this contest.” The deadline is July 1 and they will choose a winner by July 31, just in time to prep a farm for the cold seasons!

–You DEFINITELY CANNOT COME SEE THE HOUSE. (“If you attempt to come to the property or contact us in any way your submission will be immediately disqualified.”) But there are some photos.

–Not a farmer? Not a problem! The owners suggest some alternate uses for the property: bed and breakfast, renting campsites, day care, gardens, a petting zoo, an “end of life care home, and so much more!!!” (I vote petting zoo.)

Before you fork over $150, maybe read a couple reports on how contests like these often have major problems. Then, stare into the soothing, contemplative void of the Wix-designed contest website’s background, take a few deep breaths, and confront the reality that you’re likely using the fantasy of this contest to procrastinate all of the other, very real, writing that you have to do.

But then, go for it, friends!

Article continues after advertisement