My Friends Have Bad Taste in Poetry and I Want to Tell Them: Am I the Literary Asshole?

Hello, patrons of the drunken arts! It’s your host, Kristen Arnett, back with another stunning installment of Am I the Literary Asshole?, a bimonthly advice column that’s so drenched in liquor it might as well be a rum baba.

Coconut cake! Chocolate torte! Crème brulee! I’ve got sweets on the brain, which naturally translates into dreams of magnificent desserts and a bevy of digestifs. Hey, I can be classy on rare occasion—or at least try for the duration of a single column. The world’s our delicious pastry, my friends; let’s sip our after-dinner drinks and pick out what looks most tasty.

Pinkies up! On to our first caller:

1) I’ve recently started writing poetry, and I’m loving it. I’ve shared a few poems with interested friends or acquaintances, who have had (as friends and acquaintances do) nothing but positive things to say. However, two different people have now said—after raving about my work—that it reminds them of some Instagram poet they follow and love. The same Instagram poet. I know this is meant as a compliment, but I have perused this poet’s page and it is everything I hate about “internet” poetry. I find her stuff shallow and stupid and I’m irritated to be compared to it. I also don’t think it’s anything like my stuff, which makes me wonder if I’m delusional. Or maybe these people just don’t read much poetry. Anyways, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to hold my tongue if this comparison comes up again. Am I the asshole?

First of all, I want to congratulate you for putting yourself out there and trying something new artistically. It’s no easy task sharing work with others, especially when we’re brand new to an art form. That’s a really vulnerable thing. Bravo to you!

I know this is common information, but I think it’s worth reiterating: making work and sharing work are two very different things. The relationship that we have to the art that we make is very different from public perception of said writing. Now, I know this is not published poetry. In this particular instance, you have shared your work with friends and acquaintances who have asked about it and expressed an interest in reading the poems. Honestly, that’s lovely.

Some of the best readers we can have are those who know us well and have a desired and continued interest in our artistic growth. I say all the time, I am first and foremost my own reader. The “readership” that an author creates ripples out from what we write for ourselves. Friends, especially those we like to share with artistically, are generally going to be our best audience.

Now, you’ve noted here that two separate people have said your poetry reminds them of an online poet, one that you do not favor. But! You’ve also stated that the friends in question raved about your work and then offered up this comparison as ostensibly high praise. They like this online poet; they follow their work. These friends thought they were saying something nice, because according to you, they love that poet. If your reaction in the future is to tell them that their taste sucks, I can’t imagine that will go over well. And honestly, it would be cruel.

It’s fine to dislike the comparison. But I’d caution you to take a beat here and consider that people come to poetry in a variety of ways. I don’t even think beginner or expert is the correct language here. Rather, I mean that people come to poetry through the varied kaleidoscopic lenses of their lived experience. It’s what makes art so cool; we’re all so goddamn different. How I read something might not be how you read something, might not be how your friend reads something, etc. Work doesn’t solely exist in the vacuum in which it was originally created. You are the writer, you crafted the poem, so things likely feel most clear to you. But as long as someone is offering up a compliment and not a slight, I would say to shoot back a quick thanks and then keep your lips zipped (and keep writing).

Did someone say espresso martini? I’ll drink to that! On to our next quandary.

*

2) Which is more of a red flag in a potential significant other: bad taste in music or books?

I think this is a very interesting question because I’m not totally sure what you mean here by bad taste! Taste is so completely objective that it’s hard to pinpoint what exactly might be “good” or “bad” about something.

So, here are some thoughts.

Bad taste is sometimes used to describe work that’s seen as mainstream or basic, a descriptor generally accompanied by a person telling you about some better, cooler artists, ones you “might not have heard about, they’re so unknown.” Boo. Yawn. In my opinion, that’s boring. It’s along the lines of what people might call “guilty pleasures.” But why feel guilty about enjoying something? Life’s too short for that. Like what you like!

Or consider this: in terms of class, “bad” taste is used to describe something that’s considered tacky or lowbrow or cheap. These are all words that I’ve used to describe myself and my own work! Does good taste mean something is classy and refined? Does it mean that it’s uplifting and inspirational? Who’s to say, truly. To each their own when it comes to what’s good and what’s bad. If asked to describe bad art, I personally think I’d say something that inspires apathy in the viewer. But again, that’s totally subjective! After all, the viewer I’m describing here is me, and taste, as we’ve said, is objective.

I’m a firm believer that there’s room for lots on our brain’s respective plate. But if I unpack the question further, perhaps what you might really be asking is: Is it more of a red flag if I hate their taste in books or if I hate their taste in music?

If your personal opinion is that you think their favorite book sucks and their favorite band stinks, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating!

Speaking of bad dates, let’s get a couple more drinks. We’ve got time for one last juicy one before we call it quits.

*

3) I’ve been working on my debut novel for close to a decade. The topic is something that not many people know about. Hardly anything has been written about it. Two months ago, a book came out with a big publisher and it’s about this exact topic. I am crushed and feel like I should throw my entire draft in the trash. All of that work for nothing. I know this isn’t an asshole question, I just want to feel better about this whole situation. Because it sucks and I’m sad.

Friend, please tell me you didn’t throw that draft away! If you did, I urge you to get up right now and retrieve it. Don’t throw out work because you’re worried someone got to something before you did. If everyone who was a writer did that, there would be like five books published, total.

Because you’re a writer, I will assume that you’re also a reader, and that you’re familiar with thematic similarities in publishing. People write about topics that have to do with each other all the time! I myself wrote a book about taxidermy and I assure you, there are plenty of other people who have written about that. One was even at my own publisher!

Just because someone else wrote about a topic doesn’t mean they wrote your book. You are your own writer, with your own ideas and characters and concepts, you have your own voice and tone and cadence. What you have written will be fundamentally yours and no one else’s. And hey, just because there are multiple books about a topic doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing! If anything, it means there is an audience for that topic.

Keep working, pal. I believe in you.

And that’s it! Let’s call it a night. Join me next time when I still probably haven’t slept because good GOD, how many espresso martinis did I just drink?

Please send me more of your questions!

Let them eat cake,

Dad

__________________________

Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.