I am the girl with chapped cheeks and blue bow
with my breasts taped down
dancing silently on my father’s lap
of course I wake with a start in the
new bedroom
painted blue
in a cacophonous pool of blood
the moon sways over me whitely
too quickly
bordered by trees
in the ghost town where I live
strange feelings overcame me when he left
like the cracking old image of a wave framing a lighthouse
like an octopus crawling on land
he was a god in his blood thirst
looking out of the window, a pre-ghost
I know the look of someone newly murdered
the moon’s trailing over me too quickly
outside the window, trees darkly mask the sky
the sky the thatched colour of jeans
evening coming down like hair snipped over shoulders
everything in place for our inflatable dinner party
we sat courteously as adults, haloed by stained glass
efforts to understand me were lost
like music reverberating under water or a hammock pinged at one end
my safe word couldn’t reach him with his head at my tail
spanking me pinkly into the crawl space
I wore rose gold rings to impress him
(she got there first)
this was outside my character
___________________________
From Kingdomland. Used with permission of Faber & Faber. Copyright 2019 by Rachael Allen.
