(Almost) All the Goodnight Moon Parodies, Ranked

In Margaret Wise Brown’s most famous* children’s book, Goodnight Moon, a little bunny says goodnight to all the objects in its great green bedroom before falling peacefully to sleep. It’s pretty much the ultimate in plotlessness, which has not historically detracted from its appeal. Published in 1947 and illustrated by Clement Hurd, it has become a widely beloved American bedtime story. Not coincidentally, it has also been parodied many, many times. In advance of the anniversary of Margaret Wise Brown’s birth, I took a look at (almost) all of those parodies.

I have limited the list below to versions of the book that exist in full—that is, more than sketches, covers, or pitches—whether they are physically available or only digital. Also, I intentionally left out the political ones (there are a lot, as you might imagine: Obama, Trump, Bush, Zuma, etc), because I didn’t want to get angry today. (If you do, or if you already have naturally low blood pressure and can read anything, Goodnight Democracy will mess you up, man). Honestly, I found it very difficult to rank these, because on the whole they are basically adorable. As a result, they are ranked mostly on the basis of cleverness of concept and my own personal interest. For each one, I have reproduced the opening lines, so you can get a feel for the parody.

For the record, this is how the original book begins:

In the great green room
There was a telephone
And a red balloon
And a picture of—

The cow jumping over the moon

And there were thee little bears sitting on chairs

And two little kittens
And a pair of mittens

And a little toy house
And a young mouse

And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush

And a quiet old lady who was whispering “hush” . . .

*Runaway Bunny is also great, but one must make hard choices sometimes. It’s part of growing up!

17.
Goodnight Boobs: A Parody for Grown-ups, Aaron Abramson

This one is not particularly cute. I can enjoy an adult parody with the best of them, but I mean—no one really needs this.

In the Go-Go Room
At the Lion’s Lair
There is a shiny brass pole
And a red-faced goon

And a DJ mixing—

The last throbbing tune

16.
Goodnight Mom: A Parody Book for Moms, Kathy Shimmield

This portrayal of what it’s like to be a mom just kind of makes me feel sad. A cup to sip? What’s going on over there?

In the small silent room
There was a cellphone
And a red Merlot
And a picture of . . .

A wedding day long ago

And two noisy kids
Banging on lids

And a rarely used bike
And a little kid’s trike

And two lazy dogs
And a pair of clogs

And a lamp, a cup to sip and a bowl with just one chip

And a quiet old radio playing tunes to hush

15.
Goodnight, Husband, Goodnight, Wife, Eric Stangel and Justin Stangel, illus. Adam J. Raiti

This one is also pretty depressing, and not just because of the concept of time lost to marriage and children, but also because of rhymes like “Goodnight breasts once perky and butt once firm / That all went to hell once egg met sperm.” At least the couple is in it together, though?

In the green suburbs
There was a minivan
And a modest house
And a picture of—

Larry and Renee on their wedding day

14.
Goodnight Mr. Darcy, Kate Coombs, illus. Alli Arnold Gibbs Smith

This seems an odd choice for a Goodnight Moon parody (all of the versions here that try to insert narrative wind up a little wobbly), but I suppose anything that gets kids into Jane Austen early is all right by me.

In the great ballroom
There was a country dance
And a well-played tune
And Elizabeth Bennet—

And Mr. Darcy surprised, by a pair of fine eyes . . .

13.
Goodnight iPad: A Parody for the Next Generation, Ann Droyd

Everyone knows that technology keeps you awake, so the irony here is on point. But this technology already seems in danger of being obsolete. I mean, Nooks? Then again, Doom will never go out of style.

In the bright buzzing room
There was an iPad
And a kid playing Doom
And a screensaver of—

A bird launching over the moon

There were three little Nooks
With ten thousand books

And a huge LCD Wi-Fi HDTV
With Bose 5.1,
Six remotes, and 3-D

12.
Goodnight Putter: A Bedtime Parody for the Golfer, Chris Fuller

I admit that I am not anywhere close to the intended audience for this book, being as it is “dedicated to all those who believe that it’s impossible to think a clear thought, enjoy a good meal or get a good night’s sleep after a bad round of golf.” I know lots of you are out there, though. And even without knowing anything about golf, I do know that first joke about Ed is pretty funny, as parodies go.

In the golfer’s bedroom there was a framed score card
And a Scotty putter at the foot of the bed
And a photograph of his regular partner . . .

. . . Ed.

11.
Goodnight Unicorn: A Magical Parody, Karla Oceanak, illus. Kendra Spanjer

Of course it’s impossibly corny and sugary-sweet—but that’s kind of the point (ha ha!) when you’re dealing with unicorns. Also includes helpful sections like “Unicornology: Magical Facts Unicorn Lovers Love to Know!” and some very pretty illustrations.

In the great green wood,
there were sweet hawthorns,
and breezes warm,
and a blessing of . . .

. . . unicorns with spiraling horns.

And there were three little fairies sitting on cherries.

And two drowsy foals being read to by trolls.

10.
Goodnight Goon: A Petrifying Parody, Michael Rex

A hodgepodge of spooky stuff—kind of like a Halloween grab bag—that would be perfect for any burgeoning witch-child or young goblin. As Kirkus put it, “It’s something of a one-joke wonder, but what fun it is.”

In the cold gray tomb
There was a gravestone
And a black lagoon
And a picture of—

Martians taking over the moon

And there were three little mummies rubbing their tummies

And two hairy claws
And a set of jaws

And a loud screechy bat
And a black hat

9.
Fuck You Sun, Matt Cole, illus. Rigel Stuhmiller

Not the most loyal parody on this list, but as illustrator RIigel Stuhmiller put it: “The little bunny of the original book is all grown up and has made some really unfortunate life decisions. This book chronicles ‘the day after.'” It is . . . not a good day.

Am I in my room?
Where’d I put my phone?
Man, it’s almost noon.
What’s this picture of?

8.
Goodnight Batcave, Dave Croatto, illus. Tom Richmond

This is one bat who can’t get to sleep—there are too many bad guys to fight. Made by MAD Magazine, so you know just what you’re getting.

In the great gray cave
There were a lot of bats
And souvenirs saved
And the pictures of—

The rogues who have never behaved

7.
Goodnight Forest Moon, Noah Dziobecki

This one isn’t an actual book you can buy—designer Noah Dziobecki created it as a gift for a friend’s child’s first birthday—but if you’re a Star Wars nerd, that really shouldn’t matter. Find the whole thing—including instructions from Dziobecki on how to turn it from a PDF into an actual book—here.

In the great metal room
There was a comlink
And a tauntaun
And a holo-picture of—

The Executor flying over the forest moon

And there were three little tachs sitting on their backs

And two little ewoks
And a pair of macrobinocs

And a little TIE fighter
And a young scurrier

And a droid and some boots and a bowl of blum fruit

And a quiet old Sith who was whispering “shh”

6.
Goodnight Dune, Julia Yu

Two nerd parodies in a row! This is also another that does not exist in actual book form (as far as I can tell), but as it has been fully realized online, I’m including it here. Obviously it’s only funny if you’re familiar with Dune, but if you are, it’s the little details in the illustration that really make this one sing.

In the great no-room
There was a floating baron
And a view of two moons
And a picture of—

Shai-Hulud bursting out of the dune

And there were three fedaykin recruits fighting in stillsuits

And two imperial sardaukar
And a pair of gom jabbar

And a little toy keep
And a young muad’Dib

And maker-hooks and a crysknife and a bowl full of water-of-life

And a bene-gesserit witch whispering “they tried and died”

5.
Goodnight Loon, Abe Sauer, illus. Nathaniel Davauer

I am unusually fond of loons (ask my friends, zing), but if you are also a fan, or perhaps a Minnesotan, or a lover of the outdoors, or a Fargo enthusiast (Bemidji figures, go figure), I think you will find this version of Goodnight Moon quite charming.

On the great lake pontoon
There was a Duluth Pack
And a hungry raccoon
And crop art of—

The blue ox jumping over the loon

And there were three fat walleyes eating rhubarb pie

And two yellow canoes
And a pair of snow shoes

And little deer ticks
And snacks on sticks

And a rod and a fish and a tater tot dish

And a tired old voyageur who was whispering “shhh”

4.
Goodnight Brew: A Parody for Beer People, Karla Oceanak, illus. Allie Ogg

Beer and cute animals? Can’t go wrong, honestly. That walrus kills me.

In the great brew room,
there was a kettle that shone,
and a gramophone,
and a pitcher of . . .

. . . a chocolate stout with two feathers of foam.

And there were three little otters in charge of the water.

For fermenting, some yeast.

And a hops wildebeest.

3.
Goodnight Lab: A Scientific Parody, Chris Ferrie

Two things elevate this parody: the cool science tech with her cool goggles and the grumpy professor, whose appearance actually made me, an Adult, laugh out loud.

In the great green lab
There was a laser
And a lab notebook
And a picture of—

Einstein with a stern look

And there were three sticky notes stuck to lab coats

And copper wire
And a pair of pliers

And a spectrometer
And a thermometer

And a pen and a coffee
And some crumpled rubbish

And a grumpy old professor shouting “publish”

2.
Goodnight Nanny-Cam: A Parody for Modern Parents, Jen Nessel & Lizzy Ratner, illus. Sara Pinto

In a perfect meta-twist, this parody takes one of the books most often read to children and makes fun of the parents who are definitely still reading paper books to their children because they read somewhere that it was better for them, and also have you seen that YouTube video of the baby trying to swipe left on a picture book? Tragic.

In the great green-certified room
There was a smartphone
And a silver spoon
And a picture of—

A high-contrast, brain-stimulating black-and-white moon

And there was a musical concert by Baby Mozart

And high window guards
And French flash cards

And a fireplace safety gate
And toys without phthalate

And a sterilizer and bottle brush and bowl full of organic mush

And a bilingual nanny who was whispering “hush”

Alpha parents can read more here.

1.
Goodnight Keith Moon: A Parody!, Bruce Worden, Clare Cross

This one is . . . not for children. After all, the corpse of Keith Moon, legendary drummer for the Who, is right there on the first page. Edgy! But it’s the funniest one so far, and also (to my mind) the cleverest. The Moon indeed.

In the great green room
There was a telephone
And a dead Keith Moon
And a picture of—

Townshend jumping over the Moon

And there were four little gents pissing on cement

And two broken sticks
And a pile of sick

And a little toybus
That was starting to rust

And some whiskey and fish and one more in a dish

And the ghost of Cass Elliot whispering “shhh”

You can page through the rest here.