ALL THE DEAD BOYS LOOK LIKE ME

A NEW POEM by Christopher Soto, in the Aftermath of Orlando

June 15, 2016  By Christopher Soto
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This heartbreaking new poem by Loma, written in the aftermath of Orlando, fuses love and outrage into a refusal of violence through the embrace of vulnerability, tenderness, passion. It centers the identity of queer people of color in the face of not just one isolated, horrific and horrifying tragedy, but in the ongoing history of what Claudia Rankine evokes with her chilling line “And still a world begins its furious erasure—” Since Sunday I have felt lost without wits to make sense of what has happened, is happening, with the news of this most recent event. Yet Loma’s words are a miraculous act of grace and solidarity that permit nearly everything that the media world would forget, ignore, repress. 

—Adam Fitzgerald, Poetry Editor


ALL THE DEAD BOYS LOOK LIKE ME

for Orlando

 

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Last time, I saw myself die is when police killed Jessie Hernandez

                                      A 17 year old brown queer, who was sleeping in their car

Yesterday, I saw myself die again. Fifty times I died in Orlando. And

                        I remember reading, Dr. José Esteban Muñoz before he passed

I was studying at NYU, where he was teaching, where he wrote shit

                        That made me feel like a queer brown survival was possible. But he didn’t

Survive and now, on the dancefloor, in the restroom, on the news, in my chest

                        There are another fifty bodies, that look like mine, and are

Dead. And I have been marching for Black Lives and talking about the police brutality

                        Against Native communities too, for years now, but this morning

I feel it, I really feel it again. How can we imagine ourselves // We being black native

                        Today, Brown people // How can we imagine ourselves

When All the Dead Boys Look Like Us? Once, I asked my nephew where he wanted

                        To go to College. What career he would like, as if

The whole world was his for the choosing. Once, he answered me without fearing

                        Tombstones or cages or the hands from a father. The hands of my lover

Yesterday, praised my whole body. Made the angels from my lips, Ave Maria

                        Full of Grace. He propped me up like the roof of a cathedral, in NYC

Before, we opened the news and read. And read about people who think two brown queers

                        Cannot build cathedrals, only cemeteries. And each time we kiss

A funeral plot opens. In the bedroom, I accept his kiss, and I lose my reflection.

                        I am tired of writing this poem, but I want to say one last word about

Yesterday, my father called. I heard him cry for only the second time in my life

                        He sounded like he loved me. It’s something I am rarely able to hear.

And I hope, if anything, his sound is what my body remembers first.




Christopher Soto
Christopher Soto
Christopher Soto (aka Loma) is a queer latinx punk poet & prison abolitionist. They were named one of “Ten Up and Coming Latinx Poets You Need to Know” by Remezcla. Poets & Writers will be honoring Christopher Soto with the “Barnes & Nobles Writer for Writers Award” in 2016. They founded Nepantla: A Journal Dedicated to Queer Poets of Color with the Lambda Literary Foundation. Their first chapbook “Sad Girl Poems” was published by Sibling Rivalry Press in 2016. Originally from the Los Angeles area; they now live in Brooklyn.









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