1. Supply Chain Issues
Drape yourself in paper chains and take a really, really long time to respond to questions.
2. Woke Franzen
Dark rimmed glasses, button-down, binoculars for bird-watching, good opinions.
3. Group Chat Subpoena
Absolutely destroy the party by demanding to see everyone’s pettiest group texts. (Couples costume.)
4. Joyce Carol Oates’ Twitter
Wear cat ears. Show skeletons the appropriate level of respect.
5. The Spine Collector
Hamburglar costume but replace the burgers with books.
6. Cat Person Person
Print a picture of yourself onto a tiny T-shirt. Wrestle a cat into the tiny T-shirt. Take a picture of the cat wearing the tiny T-shirt. Put the picture of a cat in the tiny T-shirt printed with a picture of you onto a larger T-shirt. Wear the larger T-shirt. This is literary fiction.
7. Emotional BookTok Teen
Copy of Circe, low-rise jeans(!), tear tracks through heavy self-tanner contour.
8. Air Mail x Sally Rooney Coffee Cart
Sit in a cardboard box painted blue and yellow and distribute coffee, bucket hats, and Marxism.
9. Zombie Discourse
Dress like a zombie, but instead of saying “braaaaaaains,” alternate between “MFAs should really make a point of teaching students about the professional aspects of writing” and “Lolita would never be published today.” But you know, in a zombie voice.
10. Sexy autofiction
Short, tight, wan little husk.