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    News, Notes, Talk

    Shakespeare plays as Daily Mail headlines.

    Jessie Gaynor

    August 18, 2022, 1:30pm

    If you’re unfamiliar with the style of Daily Mail headlines, you’re living a more honorable life than I, and I applaud you. For those who recognize the truly bananas way that the paper of ill-record titles its celebrity stories, I present to you… Shakespeare plays, if the headline writers at the Daily Mail got ahold of them.


    Birnam Wood Steps Out Near Dunsinane… After Sources Confirm Lady Macbeth’s BLOODY BREAKDOWN

    The Taming of the Shrew
    Katherina Dazzles After Slimming Down Thanks to Petruchio’s MIRACLE DIET: “The poorest service is repaid with thanks; And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.”

    Romeo and Juliet
    Juliet Capulet Flaunts Her Toned Physique in Skimpy Mourning Attire Hours After Her Cousin’s Murder… Amid Rumors Her Only Love Sprung from Her Only Hate

    Ophelia Showcases Her Svelte Gams as She Wades into the River… Ahead of the World Debut of Boy-Toy Hamlet’s Play

    A Midsummer Night’s Dream
    Titania Stuns in Silver As Rumors Swirl about Her Steamy Affair… with an ASS

    Twelfth Night
    Olivia Steps out with Mystery Man… Days After BRUTALLY Rebuffing the Duke: “I Cannot Love Him”

    King Lear
    Regan and Goneril Reveal Harry and Meghan’s SNUB of King Lear

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