Can the master of literary minimalism make sense of the labyrinthine hell that is American health insurance? Let’s find out!
You’re well. That’s swell. Terrific. That’s covered.
You’re sick. Is it bad? That’s bad.
Well, that’s covered, too. If it’s covered.
What I mean to say is, you’re covered. Provided that we cover you.
And the deductible. That’s what we deduct.
What sort of sick, anyway?
Sugar diabetes? Who says?
Need surgery? Why should you?
Having a baby? Sure, that’s nice. If it all goes right.
Cancer? No kidding? I knew a man with cancer. Not sure what happened to him.
It’s simple: We cover 75% of everything, except when we cover 50%. We always cover 75% or 50%, unless we cover 20%. Except out-of-network.
Out-of-network, now that’s quite a thing. Why not in-network?
How sick are you planning to get, anyway?
Say, have you heard about taking a brisk walk? A fine thing, a brisk walk. A cool glass of milk, too. Everything will be all right.
As long as it stays all right.