Poetic Letters Across a Pandemic Distance
From Emma Kushnirsky and Robin Messing of Girls Write Now
After reading the poetic correspondence between Natalie Diaz and Ada Limón entitled “Envelopes of Air,” we decided to write poetic letters to one another, which naturally interrogated our feelings and thoughts during a pandemic. We met through the Girls Write Now program, with Emma, a high school junior based in the Bronx, New York, participating as a mentee, and Robin Messing, a writer based in Brooklyn, working as a mentor.
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Masking & Unmasking
Robin to Emma
I’ve lived long & I can recall so much, yet some of the most crucial
moments are lost to me. Recollections aside, I’ve decided
not to hide anymore.
I mean shame. I mean rage. I mean loneliness. In a plague
the past feels present, the future eclipsed, the carnage
unfathomable.
Sirens have subsided & death
resumes elsewhere. Fall
has never been more beautiful
now that I’m married to gingkos, elms, & oaks.
I wonder what your youth
makes of isolation. In my early years
I refused to know what I knew. I wonder what
your loneliness might say. Snow
is on the way. I hope it will feel
like patience, that its silence will be soothing,
not a reminder of the cruelty
of power’s inaction. Sometimes I wish
there were words for everything. Dread
isn’t exactly right. Pleasure isn’t sufficient.
I’m finding new ways to say
gentle, tender, helpless,
to free them from captivity.
Hiding in Plain Sight Like the Wind or a Leaf Stuck to the Sidewalk
Emma to Robin
I need the burning brightness of fresh air.
I don’t know if I’m lonely.
Like this past summer I was
scrambling for words and
I felt inadequate, in my longing,
but there was youth.
Fun from a distance.
Up close there’s the
tear-burning torture of everything
Being Dramatic.
doyouremember?
I liked the way the snow shoved cold down my
throat.
Made me feel solitary in good company.
and the island I’m on blows salt towards me
through me
asking me to inhale
I don’t want to be hiding
either
but the salt wind hides in crevasses
To inhale something that hides
is an action of loving.
In The Wake of Immobility
Robin to Emma
I walk to the park every day now
a wedge against every repressed desire
for flight
inaction terrifies me sloth
an enslavement a knot
in a tree’s heart
each twisted part craves
embrace each shame like your salt wind
meant for movement
& visibility I remember riding
my ten speed over asphalt feeling
myself fleeing
when I couldn’t sense any other way
I finally understand the privilege
in motion you remind me
to love the paralysis of my past
that stasis can be bravery
as we wait
for this plague
to end
Me in the Context of Who I Was and Have Been Being
Emma to Robin
In a way it would be easier if
“the plague is upon us!”
Bell clappers against strike points.
Then we could scream to no end.
Scream ourselves hoarse.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful for
the white sterility of
the walls of my room.
But I guess I am.
I want to feel
movingsofast that motion is vibration.
Privilege in motion and immobility, where does it end?
Would it help to pound the pavement
with running feet?
I used to go barefoot everywhere.
Now my feet are calloused for no reason.
Why be calloused for wood floors?
I’m remembering the joy of flip-flops in rain.
Droplets warm and juicy.
Headphones sheltered under sheaves of hair.
Laughing by myself.
I seldom laugh by myself.
If you can make yourself laugh,
you are lucky.
There’s a song called “The Waiting.”
I am “The Waiting.”
In Which I Try to Answer When There Are No Answers
Robin to Emma
Is it possible to make
our own luck? A laugh
hidden
like the sun’s
presence even
in darkness?
I’ve witnessed more than one
personal plague
there was no returning from.
Sometimes sky or bush
makes being human
bearable.
Pam H once asked: Can the Earth
give back what was taken
from me? Terror
the friend that never exits.
Drawn to gloom
as if to flame. I see that
hiding can be useful—
wintering birds
the same shade
as bark
imperceptible
if not for my attention.
Isn’t awareness
one of the gifts
of being
with oneself?
Distortion of Reality Comes Easily Like a Wave or Exhale
Emma to Robin
Looking out the window
it could be
a moving picture
glued to the other side of the glass.
Who’s to say?
How long of never-being-outside would
it take for me to believe
this is the only world that
Exists?
Once I was trapped in a bathroom for
Thirty minutes?
Forty minutes?
Could it have been an hour?
It didn’t take long to start
trying to leave
by impossible means.
Before I yelled out I closed my eyes and
moved myself through the door.
I would go crazy sofast.
At what point are there no backsies?
I think never.
I think that we are never broken.
I’m going to be the cardinal in the snow.
If I can bear it.
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From Girls Write Now Unmuted: The 2021 Anthology, published by Dutton and Feminist Press. A public launch party for the e-book will take place on June 18 at 6 pm; you can register here.