Pep Talks That I Give to Authors That I Will Now Give to Myself

In less than two weeks my new book comes out. People keep asking if I’m freaking out. Not really. Because even though I’m on the other side now, I’ve talked to hundreds of authors in and around their publication dates. And if they ever ask me for advice about how to stay even-keeled during this potentially stressful time, I have a whole list to recite to them. Now it’s time to take my own medicine.

Remember that the lows won’t be so low, and the highs won’t be so high.
My friend Jen Doll imparted this wisdom ten years ago when I put out my first book, and it’s the piece I take most to heart when I’m envisioning my publication. Writers, with our big egos and big imaginations, tend to overemphasize the impact of our books. We might picture scenarios in which we’re mega bestsellers who publish to universal acclaim, but we also might imagine what would happen if that critical voice we hear in our heads when we’re working got to write a blistering takedown of our book in a universally read publication. It’s nice to remember how incredibly unlikely both scenarios are.

Try to focus on the good.
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that negative feedback sticks with you more stubbornly than the positive. Our challenge is to savor the good—maybe even create a special folder in your email to archive all of the praise—while putting the unhelpful criticism in a little black box in the back of your mind and throwing away the key.

Don’t let other work distract you if you don’t have to.
If you are lucky enough to be able to take a little time off while promoting your book, do it. In fact, I will be skipping this very column for the month of July, my first planned break in a year and a half. I will have enough work to do on tour just getting myself on the right plane and to the right bookstore, all while repeatedly reminding myself to focus on the good.

Remember to rest.
This is for extroverted introverts like me: Being “on” for a certain period of time, like at a book event on book tour, is both exhilarating and exhausting. Taking time to power down is key to maintaining good energy throughout. I must remember this when I’m considering getting that one last drink at the bar after the event.

Don’t check the social reading sites.
This is the piece of advice I give the most. It is also the piece of advice that most writers ignore. Repeat after me: “It is none of my business what readers say about my book on Goodreads. It is none of my business what readers say about my book on Goodreads.”

Keep on reading and supporting other authors.
Over the past month I’ve gone to four different bookstore events, and there’s nothing like focusing on someone else’s work to get you out of your own head. In that spirit, I should mention the books that I’ll be taking with me on tour: Hot Girls with Balls by Benedict Nguyen and The Payback by Kashana Cauley. I will also set some money aside to pick up some staff picks at some of the indie bookstores I’ll be traveling to, because that’s how you find the good stuff.

Think about the next one.
It’s time to invoke that terrible cliche about how you can only get over someone by getting under someone else. But it’s true. The stakes of this publication will feel much less high if you’ve already got another idea brewing.

Ask for help.
A lot of my book is about unlearning the tenets of American work culture, that rugged individualism often translates to just being plain old lonely. I know I have friends I can call if I need a pep talk, as well as the people at my publisher who are on my side and want me to succeed.

Don’t compare yourself to other people.
This one will be the death of me. Recently at her own book launch, lit agent Kate McKean reminded us that publishing is not a zero sum game. There is room for lots of authors to have successes, and some other author’s win doesn’t mean that you’ve lost. Must remember this when [redacted publication] does a long, glowing profile of [redacted author].

Enjoy yourself.
But also don’t pressure yourself to have fun in some weird way where it ends up making you more stressed out? We work so hard for so long on book projects; we owe it to ourselves to take some pleasure in their completion.