My Friends Won’t Let Me Into Their Writers’ Group: Am I the Literary Asshole?

Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in! That’s right, it’s the squirmy, wriggling, zombie-like corpse of everyone’s favorite “advice” column, Am I the Literary Asshole? (now with 25 percent more beer flavor). I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m over the moon to be back here with you after a lovely holiday week off. What did I do during my time away? Ate too much, drank too much, contemplated the varied crises of the world. So, you know, the usual. Anyway, welcome back!

Could kind of use an Alka-Seltzer right now, but instead I’m going to push forward with a can of icy cold beer and dig into today’s fabulous letters. Please join me!

Bottom’s up, let’s get down to business:

1) Kristen,

I enjoyed your recent article! I’ve got a problem and I’m hoping you can help.

Last year, my essay collection was released with a small press. They don’t have the budget for any marketing, tour, etc, so I’ve done that work on my own (with mixed results). 

Cue the scammers. Since I don’t really know what I’m doing when it comes to the publishing world, I found myself sucked in by a few different emails and DMs that sounded authentic (like they actually knew my work) and got really excited, only to discover that they ultimately wanted my credit card information. I feel like an asshole for this. How do I move past it and hope (because I really want people to find my book) that I can find real publicity help that’s not just a grift?

Oh, buddy. I wish I could tell you that you’re alone in this—that the grifting authors thing was a single fluke, that it never happened to anyone else—but I think we can all agree that’s not the case. If you’re reading this column right now and you’re a writer, raise your (virtual) hand if you’ve ever received one of these messages. I think if we were able to tally the numbers here, we’d see that plenty of us (myself included) have received lots of these shady offers. It’s sad, really. And it’s not cool. The fact that they’re coming after writers blows my mind. You think we have money? We’re basically crowdfunding the same five dollars back and forth to each other!

I can’t stop these kinds of people from finding you. But I can give you some tools to suss out whether these offers are legit.

First of all, if anyone emails you out of the blue about your book and they’re a person you’ve never heard of or talked to before, take a gander out their email address. Does it look professional or is it just a bunch of weird letters after their first name? Probably a scam.

Have they included a link for you to click in the body of the email? Don’t touch it.

If they’ve slid into your DMs, are they someone who followed you literally two seconds before they sent the message? Do they follow any other writers that you know? Do they post content about writing or books or is it just spammy pictures of things that have no meaning to you? This is probably a scam.

If someone is reputable, they will SOUND reputable. They will have connections that you recognize. They will speak like a human person and not a word jumble of AI nonsense.

Of course you can hire someone who works in marketing to help promote your book! But you do have to pay those people (because that is their job just like writing a book is yours), and it’s very likely that those people aren’t going to just reach out to you. You’ll probably have to find them yourself. Ask other author and writer friends if they know anyone who might be a good fit. Word of mouth is always more trustworthy than a rando slinking into your inbox.

Please don’t feel like an asshole because you made a small mistake trusting a scammer. That’s why these scams work: because they know that people treasure their work and are desperate to see it succeed. There is no crime in wanting your work to do well. Don’t feel bad. And the next time you get one of these emails? Just shake your head and send it directly to junk.

Grifters! They should write a book about them…

Another beer for me, and here’s one if you’d like? On to our next caller!

2) Hey Dad! 

I’ve been working on the manuscript of what would (hopefully) be my debut novel for the last couple of years. I’m finally getting to the place where it’s starting to feel polished enough to start querying sometime around the new year. However, I just saw that an established author’s upcoming release features many of the same elements of my book (a multi-generational family epic over the same time periods, a protagonist experiencing some of the same circumstances). There are enough differences to make my book distinct, imo (different settings and tones), and we are very different writers (their release is going to be a four-part epic while mine is a single fragmentary novel).

I also think it’s unlikely our readership would align much given the generational gap between us. I really believe in this project and am proud of the work and research I’ve put into it so far, but as a debut author, I’m feeling kind of hesitant about comparing my work to that of someone I would consider to be a literary giant. AITLA if I decide to query the novel anyway?

This is a great question! Thank you so much for writing in with it!

The short answer here is that your book is your book. It’s not going to be like someone else’s because you wrote it. Regardless of similar topics and twin narrative arc, the thing you wrote won’t be like this other person’s book because you’re two totally different writers.

This is a topic that comes up a lot, I think, because people are always afraid that readers will take a look at their book and assume you’ve copied someone else’s work. Working on a book can take years. All that research and writing and editing and workshopping, not to mention the agenting and publication of it all. Authors can be precious about their projects, cagey to the point of intense secrecy. There’s this notion that someone could come along and just snatch your idea away and write it first. That’s not how any of it works!

You’re not an asshole for querying this project. It’s your own work, and therefore wildly different. It’s possible that some publishers will pass on this because they think the topic is too overdrawn, but maybe not. The publisher of my first novel, Mostly Dead Things (a book about taxidermy) published another author’s book about taxidermy a year prior to mine. If the book is special and telling something important, the right person will find it. Your book gets to stand on its own. Worry about comps and similarities after the querying happens. I think you might wind up pleasantly surprised.

Last call! Another round before we say goodbye?

3) Two friends of mine, one from grad-school years and one from similar literary circles, attend a writers’ group together with about five other people, all of whom have pretty decent lit-cred. As an established writer of various genres (five books of poetry, one novel, lots of published CNF), I think I’d learn a lot from them and make valuable contributions to the group. When I’ve asked about the group previously, however, I’ve been met with stony silence. What makes this weird is, I’m a fairly introverted person who doesn’t make waves. I do my part, sure, but I’m relatively quiet unless called upon. This whole situation feels very middle-school to me, like I’m being excluded from the “popular kids” table. Should I even want to be in this group? Having been ignored twice, should I just take the hint and move on? Or do I go more assertive, risking becoming the literary a**hole?

Oh, friend!

I think you’ve already received your answer on this one, I’m sorry to say.

It’s possible this writing group is just happy with their small number and doesn’t want to rock the boat. If they’ve been together awhile, maybe they’ve just decided to close ranks and have made a pact not to let anyone else join. If that’s the case, they should have told you that when you asked instead of just sitting silently, waiting for you to figure it out. It’s possible they have other reasons for not directly inviting you. Temperament, hidden grievances. But we can only speculate.

I am always of the opinion that actions speak louder than words. If you’ve asked about joining, twice, and have been continually met by this “stony” response, then it looks like you should venture outward to find your own group. And there are plenty of those! People who I’m sure would be thrilled to have your writing and your company. This would be a much better environment for you, I believe. We should share our work with individuals who are excited for us. Who are actively rooting for us!

If you want to ask one more time before you move on, I think you can. But be pointed with the question this time. Perhaps ask, “I’d really love to join you all, but it seems like you’re closed to new members at this time—is that the case?” Be prepared to hear a response that is unpleasant. Or to hear nothing at all. But then move on! Find people who want to celebrate your work. You deserve that.

And that’s all the time we have for today! Join me next time when we eat, drink, and be merry. Oh yeah, and we answer more of your anonymous questions (send them to me)!

Beerily we roll along,
Dad