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FOR RENT:
Craigslist ads for fictional homes.

Katie Yee

August 16, 2022, 2:04pm

Hill House
AMAZING private, secluded residence with storied past. Two caretakers on call (daylight hours). Open house all week—come see if it speaks to you.

Satis House
Quiet woman in mid-30s seeks roommates to share SPACIOUS manor. VERY secure building, with lots of locks, gated windows, and other precautions already in place so you will feel safe in your new home. Plenty of shade. Low electricity costs. Use of the dining room is prohibited at this time. Card-players preferred. No couples.

Candy House
Satisfy your craving for a new space! One-of-a-kind gingerbread house, complete with cake and candy furnishings. For rent by nice, older woman who may require occasional assistance in the kitchen. Guarantors not required. Don’t delay! It’s a sweet deal!

Bly Manor
They just don’t make ’em like this anymore! Gorgeous, remote estate with rolling acreage. Contact for an in-person tour. You have to see it to believe it!! No children allowed.

Noah’s Ark
Have you always wanted to take to the sea? Now’s your chance! Room available on this SPECIAL, CUSTOM-BUILT boat. Hop on board for the ride of a lifetime! No more pets, please.

The Cupboard Under the Stairs
Located on Privet Drive in the heart of Surrey, this ADORABLE room is a cozy place to call your own. Probably fits a twin bed. Ideal for a minimalist. Inquire with the Dursleys—shown by appointment only.

Overlook Hotel
RARE opportunity to live in an old hotel for the winter season. Nested in scenic Colorado’s Rocky Mountains. On the drive up, you’ll be greeted by gorgeous landscaping and TOPIARY ANIMALS. Just wait till you see it in the snow! An idyllic, isolated writer’s retreat. Lots of CLASSIC charm! Enough space for your whole family! Includes fully-stocked bar with swanky, retro feel. Must do light maintenance, including checking the boiler.

Misselthwaite Manor
Get away from it all and explore the English countryside. GREAT location in the Yorkshire Moors. HUGE bedrooms. Mostly wheelchair-accessible. TONS of outdoor space.

Professor Digory Kirke’s House
LOTS of empty rooms for rent in this welcoming mansion. Long passageways allow for plenty of privacy. 10 miles to nearest railway, only 2 miles to the post office! Live-in housekeeper for common areas. Some rooms already-furnished with genuine VINTAGE pieces. Wardrobe included. Won’t last long!

Shoe
Old woman seeks roommate for unique living situation. Must like children.

Bluebeard’s Château
LAVISH home in the French countryside available for sublet. Treat it like it’s yours! But do NOT open the door to the basement. Under no circumstances are you to open the door to the basement. Owner is often away, but might stop by on occasion. Beautiful women encouraged to apply.

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