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    Better titles for ex-Trump staffers’ memoirs.

    Jessie Gaynor

    August 6, 2020, 3:59pm

    Another day, another announcement of a memoir from a former Trump collaborator. This time, it’s Fiona Hill, an ex-advisor who testified in Trump’s impeachment inquiry, whose “views about the future of a polarized America” will be published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in 2021. I have nothing more to say about these books, other than this: I think that almost across the board, the titles need work. Publishers, if you’re listening, I am available to consult. Here are some examples of my work:

    Fiona Hill
    Actual title: There Is Nothing for You Here: Opportunity in an Age of Decline
    Better title: The Wrong Hill to Die On

    Anonymous
    Actual title: A Warning
    Better title: Guess Who Still Gets Benefits

    Omarosa Manigault Newman
    Actual title: Unhinged
    Better title: Topical Paradise: Adventures in Briefly Rejoining the Discourse

    John Bolton
    Actual title: The Room Where It Happened
    Better title: Say No to This [Explicit]

    Cliff Sims
    Actual title: Team of Vipers: My 500 Extraordinary Days in the Trump White House
    Better title: Snake Goalie: If You Throw an Egg at Me, I Will Eat It

    Anthony Scaramucci
    Actual title: Trump: The Blue Collar President
    Better title: How to Win Friends and Influence Ryan Lizza

    Michael Cohen
    Actual title: Disloyal: The True Story of Michael Cohen, Former Personal Attorney to President Donald J. Trump
    Better title: Girl, Tread Very Fucking Lightly: Stop Committing Perjury About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

    Sean Spicer
    Actual title: The Briefing: Politics, the Press, and the President
    Better title: The Spice Channel: Tales from That One Time I Went to the Emmys

    Chris Christie
    Actual title: Let Me Finish
    Better title: This is an impeccable title, and I have nothing to add.

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