Another day, another announcement of a memoir from a former Trump collaborator. This time, it’s Fiona Hill, an ex-advisor who testified in Trump’s impeachment inquiry, whose “views about the future of a polarized America” will be published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in 2021. I have nothing more to say about these books, other than this: I think that almost across the board, the titles need work. Publishers, if you’re listening, I am available to consult. Here are some examples of my work:

Fiona Hill
Actual title: There Is Nothing for You Here: Opportunity in an Age of Decline
Better title: The Wrong Hill to Die On

Anonymous
Actual title: A Warning
Better title: Guess Who Still Gets Benefits

Omarosa Manigault Newman
Actual title: Unhinged
Better title: Topical Paradise: Adventures in Briefly Rejoining the Discourse

John Bolton
Actual title: The Room Where It Happened
Better title: Say No to This [Explicit]

Cliff Sims
Actual title: Team of Vipers: My 500 Extraordinary Days in the Trump White House
Better title: Snake Goalie: If You Throw an Egg at Me, I Will Eat It

Anthony Scaramucci
Actual title: Trump: The Blue Collar President
Better title: How to Win Friends and Influence Ryan Lizza

Michael Cohen
Actual title: Disloyal: The True Story of Michael Cohen, Former Personal Attorney to President Donald J. Trump
Better title: Girl, Tread Very Fucking Lightly: Stop Committing Perjury About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

Sean Spicer
Actual title: The Briefing: Politics, the Press, and the President
Better title: The Spice Channel: Tales from That One Time I Went to the Emmys

Chris Christie
Actual title: Let Me Finish
Better title: This is an impeccable title, and I have nothing to add.

Jessie Gaynor

Jessie Gaynor

Jessie Gaynor is a senior editor at Lit Hub whose writing has appeared in McSweeney's, The New Yorker, The Paris Review, and elsewhere. Her debut novel, The Glow was published by Random House in 2023. You can buy it here.