American Woman doll? Samantha is getting a grown-up novel.

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of its beloved American Girl Doll empire, Mattel is launching a bevy of new products. Some of them ultra-fresh, like the ladies of the K-Pop Demon Hunter collection. But some of them, very old-school.

The nostalgists are getting a new Samantha novel. But the twist? This one’s not for kids. 

That’s right, peer Millennials. Our favorite polyvinyl Victorian is growing (and glowing) up.

Samantha: The Next Chapter, out this fall from American Girl Doll Publishing, will follow the OG Mount Bedford resident—and terror of my toy chest—a little further into the 20th century from whence she came.

Per People, the new book picks up in 1920, when Samantha is a seasoned 25. Now living in New York, Sam spends her time educating “other women about the suffrage movement, along with their rights ahead of that year’s presidential election.” Will Sam swing for Warren G. Harding, or James M. Cox? You’ll have to buy the book to find out.

Suffragette Samantha is a nice enough vision, but one certainly at odds with the canon established in my personal basement in 1998. The mean brunette whose hair I brushed so tenderly was interested in nobody’s rights but her own.

In addition to character inconsistencies, the new novel will explore the working class, thanks to a riches-to-rags plot. “When Samantha learns that her inheritance—which includes her childhood home—has been stolen, she’s forced into a completely new lifestyle.” Now how does one steal a mansion, exactly? See above. 

A quest for comeuppance will take this uptown girl into the city’s “criminal underbelly,” where I can only imagine she rubs a lot of dockworkers the wrong way.

If you couldn’t guess, this is AGP’s first novel for grown folks. The team has tapped Fiona Davis, bestselling author of other historical fictions like The Stolen Queen and The Lions of Fifth Avenue, to write the book. “My hope is that reading Samantha: The Next Chapter will be like reconnecting with a childhood friend,” Davis told People.

Which is all well and good. But it’s hard not to feel a little put off by such open plays for the Millennial nostalgia market—especially when 1) they come in such infantilizing form, and 2) Millennials don’t have any money to spend on nostalgia anyway.

And as someone who spent approximately two million hours carefully outfitting my Addy, Kirsten, and Samantha dolls, I can tell you that I didn’t leave the proverbial basement hungry to know what would happen to the gang post-puberty—mine, or theirs. (Era-specific historical crises notwithstanding.)

But some of us grown folks have tended the hearth. Some OG AG dolls, i.e., the ones minted in 1986, go for the mid-four-figures on Ebay. Take note, peer nostalgists with delinquent student loans.

To the basement dollies we say: you don’t have to grow up, but you can’t stay here.