Am I the Asshole For Sabotaging My Own Writing Before Even Starting?

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another informative installment of everyone’s favorite drunken advice column, Am I the Literary Asshole?, where unlike the TV show Cheers, everyone DOES NOT know your name (because it’s all anonymous). I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and good goddamn it’s hot outside! Usually I’m in Florida where it’s well over ninety degrees, but this week I’m in Boston, and guess what? It’s also well over ninety degrees? Who allowed this?

Let’s cool off with a couple of icy cold beers, my friends, and start digging into our questions. My brain is boiling and I want to make sure that I get everything answered before my brains start leaking from my ears:

1) My friend is querying and asked if I’d put in a good work with my agent. I readily agreed. Should I ask to read their query or a writing sample first? I read a draft months ago, which was good, but definitely a work in progress. I’m nervous, maybe for no reason, that the piece they’re querying is not so different from what I read. I don’t want to be an asshole telling them if their book is not actually complete and query-ready. After all, it’s up to them to decide when they’re done and no skin off my back to drop a casual email on their behalf… right? Or will my agent judge me for referring a shoddy query/ manuscript?

Hi there! Thanks for this question!

First off, I’d like to say that it’s extremely kind of you to facilitate this interaction between your friend and your current agent. People quite often say that you need to think about the relationship between yourself and your agent as a kind of marriage—one that requires constant communication, effort, thinking about your work far into the future together—so the fact that you feel willing to put these two in conversation with each other says a lot about how you feel about your friend. They must have some strong work!

Now, on the surface, I think this is going to be a relatively easy question to answer. You don’t need to remind your friend about the rules of querying; if you’ve already been in conversation with them and have gotten to the point where you’ve handed over your agents’ information, I’m sure that they are very likely on the same page as you when it comes to “doneness.” They won’t need you there to mother hen after them, checking in to make sure they did everything just right. If you read the draft “months ago,” it’s very likely that they’ve done some nice work on the project since then in order to prepare it for query.

And you know what, you’re also right about the fact that even if your friend did not do this preparatory work, just sent in something “good” but still sloppy, in no way will that have any detrimental effect on you. If anything, I think your agent will see that the work has merit (like you did upon first read), and see that it’s just not ready for an agent. Trust them on this one; that’s their whole job!

You’re in the wonderful position of being able to help out your friend and potentially bringing your agent another client. And even if it doesn’t work out, both parties will thank you for putting them in touch. No one will blame you for it not being a good fit. Sit back, relax. Enjoy.

And you know what I’m going to enjoy? Another of these icy cold beers! They are really hitting the spot! Bottom’s up, here’s our next question of the day:

2) Dear Kristen,
This isn’t a question about being an asshole to someone else, it’s about being an asshole to myself. I feel compelled to write, as in a whole book and not just blog and Bluesky posts, but I keep getting in my own way. Is it wrong of me to think a slightly messy disabled, queer character who struggles with mental health is too… gimmicky? Tryhard? Too much like an industry plant created to check quota boxes? Diversity in books is complicated at best and my anxious brain tells me it’s derivative. I just think stories similar to mine do need to be told, but I have to wonder if We (the royal we) are ready for it.

I’m so glad you took the time to write to me, buddy. Mostly so I can give you a good ol’ fashioned pep talk!

What you’re describing here is a classic of the artistic form, and by that I mean you’re experiencing your own version of self-sabotage. You’ve got ideas, plots, things you want to write about, but you’re getting in your own way by creating problems for yourself so that you don’t have to sit down and actually write.

Here’s what I’m going to tell you. When we sit down to the page, we sit down alone. We’ve got the voice in our head (possibly) telling us all the reasons why we won’t be successful, or why the thing we’re trying to make won’t matter, or won’t be received in a way that encourages us to continue making art. I tell you now, with love, that you need to tell that voice to shut up. There is nothing beneficial to be gained by listening to that little nagging note of condescension; we must, instead, attempt to block it out entirely.

Because first of all, my pal, you must actually write the thing. There are a million reasons not to—you have listed your own qualms here—but the most important thing is to just to get straight down to work. We’d never make anything of value if we allowed those voices to stop us before we ever really began.

The act of writing is the love, the art. Not the publishing. All the stuff that comes after (hopefully): sales, marketing, agents, social media? It’s another thing entirely. Allow yourself to make your art, first, and then see how your anxious brain feels. Allow yourself time to love your work, to make friends with it, to get excited about the promise of something fresh, new, and undeniably yours.

There’s an audience out there who will love to read that work, once you’ve gotten it onto the page. I promise.

I think we deserve another beer! Chill the teeth, the tongue, calm the mind… except maybe not for our final question of the day? Let’s sip and get into it:

3) Am I the asshole if I think it’s too hot outside to do… anything… much less anything creative? The world is quite literally on fire and I’m just mad every single day that we’ve destroyed the planet and anything good.

Oh man, I hear you.

It legitimately sucks, a lot, all of the time. And it truly doesn’t help matters that the world around us is in flames, while we sweat physically and metaphorically. And you know what? It IS hot outside and it DOES make it really, really hard to want to do anything at all, much less read or write or make art. Most days I can barely string a sentence together!

There’s no prescription here that I can offer that will make any of this better. However, I want to urge you to write into me with your complaints as often as you like, friend! Sometimes just having someone listen, without giving any advice at all, can open up a porthole to let a little of the steam out. That might have a cooling promise. You’re not alone in all of this. I am sending you peace.

And that’s all the time we have for today! Join me next time when I throw myself inside a kiddie pool of Miller Lite much like Scrooge McDuck does into his giant vat of gold coins. And send me your anonymous questions!

Pour one out,
Dad

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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.