Former Manchester United soccer star Ryan Giggs’s trial for alleged domestic abuse has revealed many things—mainly that he was an awful, abusive, and toxic boyfriend to Kate Greville. But he may* also be responsible for the worst love poem ever written (which was read aloud during the trial).
Presented without comment.
My darling Kate
Unequivocally our love was fate
I fell in love with you at first sight
I remember coz I was as high as a kite
Those beautiful eyes made me shiver
I’m not gonna lie I think of you
I dream of you
Can’t help thinking pulling you was my
greatest ever coo
That stomach those abs
Those pictures you send so I can keep tabs
You make me feel funny down there
Especially when you’re there and you look up and stare
I’m beginning to think you are always right
That’s okay it will keep us tight
I’m gonna end by saying you are my love my friend my soul
And most of all you believe in me,
which makes me hard as a totem pole
*He is, actually, definitively responsible for the worst love poem ever written.