Afterward, we went to the kitchen to see if there was something in the fridge to eat. Robin opened a beer and the suds poured down my hand and onto my toes and it was like I was standing on the beach at the edge of the waves. He said that it gave him a hard-on how beautiful my body was. Because although I probably didn’t mention it, I was quite developed for my age. And then we took off all our clothes and we fucked each other senseless. Although I wouldn’t have described it like that at the time.
My bra was lying on the floor like a clamshell.
After that first time we were together, I kept crying and crying. I didn’t know whether I was happy or sad or what. I think he wanted to cry too. I remember him standing at the side of the bed. He was all naked. Except he had a gold chain around his neck with a cross on it. I found out later he got it when he was a baby and he never took it off.
I felt a little bit different when I got home after sex. It was a little bit like I was pretending to be myself. I had to trick everybody into believing that I was Theresa.
And it broke my heart that they believed it. Their little girl had been killed, but they didn’t know it. They didn’t have any idea. And the person who was responsible for murdering her was right there sitting beside them! And she was wearing Theresa’s velour jumper and her favourite socks, the ones with the strawberries on them.
I was sitting on the chesterfield and I started to cry. And they were all like, What the hell are you crying about? We’re watching Newhart. Nothing sad can happen!
You lose your virginity, then you have to keep it a secret. I couldn’t do that! I mean I wasn’t going to tell them that I had busted my cherry, but I did want to tell them that I had a boyfriend.
So I invited Robin over for dinner. I thought it was the thing to do. It seemed polite after we had slept together. Before we had been kids together, but now we had had sex, and so we were adults. Right?