The ten sickest burns in Emily Wilson’s Odyssey review, ranked.

Emily Wilson, the classicist behind the buzziest Odyssey translation of my generation, has finally weighed in on the film adaptation of her favorite poem. And so dark was the shade that Wilson’s withering takedown crashed its host site: the London Review of Books, not typically known for its astronomic virality.

We might have predicted that Wilson wouldn’t be a fan of Christopher Nolan’s action-packed take on the epic. But the translator’s objections are layered and surprising.

She is no Cyclops. Wilson’s withering gaze falls equally on the “relentlessly didactic” sub-plots, the anachronistic language, the one-dimensional characters, and Agamemnon’s “weird Darth Vader outfit.”

It’s worth letting the poet speak for herself. But for those of us on a mission, with little time to spare, here are the ten worst burns from her review.

10.

“It’s a family-friendly audiovisual spectacle, like an elaborate Fourth of July fireworks display—and with about the same level of narrative and emotional depth.”

Honestly? Fair enough, for an opening argument.

9.

“Nolan lets the fragments of an incomplete set of big ideas spin around in the epic whirlpool, with no plank of solid, specific human experience to which we might cling.”

Here we get a little florid, a little grander. (Appropriate for a poet interlocutor.) If Nolan’s an Aristophanic frog, he is just being placed in the water, with this one.

8.

“The visit to the Land of the Dead reminded me of the excursions beyond the Wall in Game of Thrones.”

Yikes. This one is context-dependent, but I think readers can safely assume that Emily Wilson is not a GoT fan.

7. 

“Most of the non-white actors…play versions of the Black best friend, whose only role in the drama is to provide aid to the white protagonist…”

Worth noting that certain social media corridors have contested this characterization, which gives short shrift to some exciting performances. But this line smarts because it takes aim at the one thing some of us were excited about, re: this Odyssey.

6.

“The Odyssey features his usual combination of grandiosity and superficiality.”

Now the shade expands to Nolan’s whole career and project. Let the simmering begin.

5.

“If you’re not going to compose a script in Homeric Greek…you might as well use something like conversational American English. But writing dialogue is not one of Nolan’s talents. “

I have to assume this would hurt any screenwriter’s feelings.

4.

“I gazed at the shipwrecks and bloodbaths without any agony of emotion. My eyes stayed dry, even for Argos the dog…”

Here, a “Dang,” feels apt, from the cheap seats. (Not even the puppy moved her?)

3.

“…the script gives [Penelope] nothing to do except yearn for Matt Damon, for reasons unknown. The couple have no chemistry and nothing in common. Throughout his wanderings, the uxorious Odysseus clings to a little doll figure, intended to represent his wife…the real woman is barely more interesting.”

This one gets back to Wilson’s character critique. And serves up Damon and Hathaway, in the process.

2.

“It has nothing convincing to say about time, memory, history, war, or about the relationship between one warrior’s glorious return and the lives of his family, adversaries, comrades, friends and neighbours. It lacks psychological, emotional, political and ethical depth. Its narrative structure is gimmicky. The writing is abysmal. None of the characters has convincing motivation for their actions or words. There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible.”

Enough to kill any amphibian. But lost me at the food part.

1.

“I would be ashamed to have written any part of this script…”

Well, that’s a dead frog, people.