Hanna, Janna, Sanna, and Leanna purse their lips and open their painted eyes wide as they grill me about my coming nuptials.
“How did he propose?”
“It was so romantic. He asked how many years of home economics I took, and I told him two.”
“Well, you nearly did! You’ve been in school more than a year.”
“Food preparation, household budget, home hygiene, child care, body maintenance, and, of course, sexual adaptability courses.”
“Did you take any electives?”
“Sewing and entertaining. And interior decorating. When I told Jare that, he said pretty soon I’ll be a handy housewife.”
Everyone sighs. What a wonderful masco.
“Well, then you had to know what was coming!”
“Then he said he thought I was really pretty, and that other mascos probly thought so, too. ’Cause I’ve given a wink or two to some of his friends, you know.”
“Of course you did! That’s the smart thing to do.”
“Then he said, ‘I ought to get a jump on the others before somebody beats me to it,’ and I just looked down at the ground and didn’t say anything. And then he was like, ‘Vanna, let’s get married.’”
“Oh, Vanna, weren’t you excited?”
“Give us the scoop on your dress! Strapless? Or maybe a heart-shaped neckline? Everybody says they’re all the rage right now!”