Ten campus novels as op-eds about the dangers of wokeness.

It’s back-to-school season, which is good news for all the “heterodox thinkers” whose bread and butter is writing about the dangers of campus wokeness run amuck. Of course, in today’s newsletter-dominated media landscape, they might find themselves in need of new campus controversies to keep the subscription numbers up. I present for the approval of the Substack Society: the campus novel, rewritten as anti-wokeness moral panic headline.

The Secret Place
The Dark Side of the Campus MeToo Movement: Secret Powers and Boy Murder

My Education
Falling in Love with My Sexy Professor’s Wife Was Crucial to My College Experience. It Would Never Be Allowed to Happen Today

The Rules of Attraction
America’s College Students Need Less Coddling and More Boring Love Triangles

The Secret History
Did Students in a Bacchanalian Frenzy Kill That Farmer, or Was It the Culture Wars?

Normal People
The Case Against Marxism and Also Sex

Pnin
Woke Campuses Have Created a Culture of Fear of Bringing the Wrong Lecture Notes to Cremona

Stoner
I Traveled to a Rust Belt Diner to Meet the Disillusioned College Professor the Left Has Forgotten

Lucky Jim
The Cancellation of Jim Dixon

Wonder Boys
What Do We Lose When We Prevent Professors from Spending One Wild Night with Their Promising But Troubled Students Who Have Stolen a Valuable Piece of Marilyn Monroe Memorabilia from The University Chancellor’s Home?

The Idiot
What Happened to Flirting?