Personal Space: Stephanie Danler Never Thought She Would Write This Memoir
The Author of Stray Talks to Sari Botton
On this episode of Personal Space: The Memoir Show, Sari Botton interviews Stephanie Danler, author of the 2016 bestselling novel Sweetbitter, and now the memoir Stray, just published by Knopf. In the book, Danler poignantly tackles a variety of issues, including: the destructive nature of addiction; becoming a writer and wrestling with impostor syndrome; rejecting some of the things we inadvertently inherit from our parents; and what our responsibility is to parents who didn’t care for us properly. Please consider purchasing the book from your local bookstore, or through Bookshop.
From the episode:
Sari Botton: Was it hard to write so frankly about such tragically flawed parents who are still alive, and who are still in the throes of their addictions?
Stephanie Danler: The actual writing was not hard. I have an ability to black out the rest of the world when I’m writing. I don’t think about the reader or marketing or the people I’m portraying, or whose feelings might get hurt. That’s something that comes much later. I think that I really need that freedom, whether it’s a novel, but especially nonfiction, for the first draft. Then, of course, you read it.
In my case, I was horrified by the invasion not only of their privacy, but my own privacy, and how much shame was on the page. But the part of me that is a writer knows how important those points are. They’re like hot spots within a book. And they lend a certain urgency and authenticity. And I personally like to read books where I feel the author is taking a risk. And so, on the one hand, I’m very lucky, because I don’t have relationships to maintain with my parents. The book is really about letting them go and putting up boundaries. Neither one of them is in my life in a significant way. I can’t actually imagine what it would be like to write a memoir and see your parents every Sunday—and be honest.
The Virtual Book Channel
Launched during the coronavirus pandemic as virtual literary communities began emerging in vital and unexpected ways, The Virtual Book Channel seeks to provide the best possible platforms for writers to reach their readers. The VBC (aka “The Veeb”) is a curated channel that archives live-streamed programming through partnerships with independent bookstores, literary festivals, authors' WFH spaces, and more.
