I want to not have to write another word about who the cops keep killing

After Michael Brown: Khadija Queen

August 11, 2015  By Khadijah Queen

So at first I wanted to make another video and I thought I could do it on the weekend or after work but motherhood and overtime and then I got to image-hunting and name-searching and each name led to another name and another name and the people and I wept Again and then I got angry Again and I got my fancy microphone to read June Jordan’s “Poem About My Rights” and played with filters in Garage Band and thought about going for a walk in the almost dark and having my teenager film me in a flowered dress and sun hat walking barefoot by the creek and grazing summer sunflowers with my fingertips like in a wistful movie intro or tampon commercial but then I get up and I hurt everywhere my body aches I feel heavy and as the sun goes down I realize I don’t have time to make the kind of video I want to make because I have to get up at 5:30am to start work and I want to not feel this pain everywhere and I want to not be so tired I can’t move but fibromyalgia exists and even though it reminds me of grief what does any of this whining have to do with Michael Brown when my beautiful brown boy is laughing in the room down the hall eating caramel gelato and not cleaning his room and I want to not think about my dead brother every time the police kill another of us and then get to pose in front of flags and lie to the cameras like the truth don’t keep in blood and keep their guns and keep their public salaries and keep killing the people we love and when I think that I cry Again because I want to not cry because I actually hate crying because none of my tears can offer resurrection none of my poems can offer resurrection none of my image searches can offer resurrection and I want us to stay alive


Request: Permission to Occupy Your Body, Roger Reeves


From Within the Dark-Blood Depths, Rachel Eliza Griffiths


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Other Outrages, Other Deaths, Rion Amilcar Scott


A Brief History of the Present, Morgan Parker


Rachel. Trayvon. Michael. Dying. Laughing. A. Fiction., Kiese Laymon


How Do You Write From a Country That Doesn’t Exist, Danielle Evans


Am I a Reliable Witness to My Own Life?, Sarah Labrie


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Keyword Search: “Ferguson” and “Mike Brown”, Angela Flournoy


Slow Dance, With Bullet, Hope Wabuke


Breath of Fresh Air, Yahdon Israel


A Very Brief History of Police Killings in the U.S., Metta Sáma


Khadijah Queen
Khadijah Queen
Khadijah Queen is the author of four books and four chapbooks, most recently Fearful Beloved (Argos Books 2015). In 2014 she won the Leslie Scalapino Award for Innovative Women Performance Writers, and her verse play Non-Sequitur will be staged by The Relationship Theater Company in NYC this December, with accompanying publication by Litmus Press. Individual poems appear in Fence, Tin House, Best American Nonrequired Reading and widely elsewhere. A Cave Canem alum, she is core faculty for the new low residency Mile-High MFA program at Regis University in Denver.

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