I Really Want to Call Out My Friend For Bragging About How Much YA She Reads: Am I the Literary Asshole?

Hello again, loyal readers, and Happy Halloween! This is Am I the Literary Asshole?, a spine-chillingly spooky advice column that drunkenly posits: what if it’s more of a comment than a question? TERRIFYING!

I’m glad we get to meet up and haunt this joint on my favorite gay holiday. Halloween’s got everything I like: candy, costumes, and of course, booze (of both varieties). What better way to spend the day than by peering beyond the misty veil to confront your pulse-pounding literary quandaries?

I’ve got a spiked cider beside me and I’m ready to commune with the dark forces—let’s get this fright night party started!

1) I live in a very small, rural community with no literary momentum to speak of. I am in an MFA program and would like to generate some momentum by hosting monthly workshops with public readings every so often. Do you have any advice on how to run this so it doesn’t come across as “holier than thou?”

Oh, this is lovely! Nothing spooky about this at all!

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you’re really radiating kindness, warmth, and empathy here—traits that will allow something like this community project you’re planning to really thrive and flourish. There really isn’t a situation here where you’d come across as an asshole, because this is such a nice and inclusive idea. But if you wanna be extra-special sure that you don’t step on any local toes, there are a few ideas you might consider as you’re getting started on this worthwhile endeavor.

One thing you might try is hosting these workshops in neutral spaces that would be more open to people just wandering in from the general community. By “neutral” here I mean not MFA or campus affiliated. Sometimes using a university space can be off-putting for people who don’t have a relationship with the campus—having an event at a place many people frequent, like a local coffee shop, café, or bar can be a nice way to bridge the gap.

I’d also take that opportunity to put up fliers for it in spaces off campus (like the aforementioned shops, etc), so that you can get people interested ahead of time. Once you finally host one of these events, it would be a great time to find locals who are interested in teaming up with you. I’m willing to bet that there are people who have been ready and waiting for just an opportunity like this.

Keep an open mind and be willing to be flexible. Listen to your local attendees and take notes, accept light criticism, and be excited for suggestions. This will ensure that the community feels included and that you’re wanting to foster something that’s more collaborative versus something that’s just your own.

I truly loved this question. It made me so happy to read and excited to see what you wind up doing! Please email me again and let me know—I’m impressed!

That one was more a treat than a trick, wouldn’t you say? Let’s take another long glug of our spiked cider and float our ghostly forms down to our next caller.

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2) I’ve sent this to you before but wasn’t picked but I think it’s worth a discussion—why is self-publishing so frowned upon? If a band puts out a record on their own, rather than through a record company, no one bats an eye, but if I say I’ve self-published a book of prose poems—which I have—suddenly I’m the biggest arsehole in the world. Why? Surely taking on your own publishing should be a recognised way of getting work out there. Quality be damned—there are plenty of highly publicized books, through reputable publishers, that are absolute shit. Am I just being an arsehole?

I’m glad you sent this one again (sometimes there are so many good questions that a few get lost in the shuffle, my apologies). This one’s a classic—it’s something that gets discussed online time and time again, but it seems we never get to any form of resolve.

I do think that this question is going to get different answers according to who you ask. But since you emailed me, your friendly drunken neighborhood literary advice columnist, I will go ahead and give you my particularly spooky two cents on the matter.

I think certain people frown on self-publishing because they are viewing the literary world as binary. They’re putting a moral judgment on something that’s not a right or wrong, simply a “what works best for me and this particular piece of work.” They might see the people publishing through traditional publishing houses and think that is “good,” while looking at people publishing their own work and think “that’s bad.” Black and white morality galaxy brain. But the truth is that the publishing world is so much larger than these two choices!

At the end of the day, people get to choose what works best for them and for their writing. For some people, that’s traditional publishing. It affords a team (some larger than others, according to the size of the publishing house) that helps manage you and your work. They also give assistance with marketing, publicity, snagging reviews, etc. Again, not all houses can afford to do this, but many at least have one of these arms attached.

But! If you’re someone who’d really rather hold onto your own work and make all of those choices for yourself, then self-publishing is a perfectly fine and honestly an ideal choice. I have many friends in the writing world who’ve done this and they’re very happy with how things turned out!

But back to your original question. Why do people shit on self-publishing? I think the very shortest answer is they act bad about it simply because they can. Human beings can be cruel. We can also be ignorant. Occasionally people are going to have very strong opinions about something and they’re going to insist that their way is best. But we know better, don’t we? The world is large and varied, people are different, to each their own. There are plenty of us who understand that there is no right way to do anything, simply paths branching off into different, equally interesting directions. Keep that light in your heart and everything will turn out just fine.

And to each of us our own last spiked cider of the night! We’ve got one last lonely haunt awaiting us below.

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3) I have a friend who is always talking about what a big reader she is but all she reads is young adult fantasy. If you’re going to be a snob about books should you read some good ones? Am I allowed to call her out or would that make me the asshole?

Well okay! Going out with a bang here, huh?

I’m going to keep this short and sweet and tell you that anyone can say they’re a big reader and read whatever they want! It’s not snobby to say that you like to read and that you do a lot of it; rather, it seems a little snobby to tell a person that they’re not a reader because of the type of work they like to read. If this friend was bothering you, day after day, and putting you down because you don’t read as much as them that would be one thing. But they’re not doing that, so let them have their fun! It’s not hurting you.

Don’t call them out. Maybe just be a friend to them and let them enjoy their life. I know, spooky reasoning, huh?

Now I must creep back to my infernal crypt before the sun rises! Join me next time when I’ll probably be up from my vampire’s eternal rest and ready to answer the next round of your terrifying questions!

Happy Halloweiner,

Dad

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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.